Self-forgiveness

When we hold judgment, criticism and shame for our past transgressions or "failures" we set ourselves up to come from an "I don't deserve this" place. Here are 7 steps to self-forgiveness. Get out your journal and get to it, to open the doors and create the life you deeply desire. 

 

1.     Allow the transgression (I like this word because it tends to be less “judgy” feeling to me, but feel free to use whatever word works for you) to be fully considered. Take time to write about it in it’s entirety. Tell the whole story with only the facts included. (Hint - it will sound like a police report.) 

2.     Now take time to explore all the feelings, complications and implications that you are struggling with regarding the situation. This is a time to let go of the facts and take inventory of how this experience has impacted you, limited your life, and caused judgments andcriticisms about yourself, others, and even the world.

3.     Ask yourself - what do I need to do or say to let this remain in the past? Is there an apology you need to make? Is there a letter you need to write a conversation you need to have?  Amends that you want to extend? Now do it.

4.     Be clear on what you learned about yourself, life, and humanity through this experience. State that clearly and make a decision that you have grown beyond the past experience, and have changed.

5.     Begin the process of letting go. Send yourself love and compassion for what happened, agreeing that you learned something valuable and that your soul has grown. Do this repeatedly anytime it comes up within or around you.

6.     Hold yourself accountable to living from this more evolved and wise place by embodying and living your wisdom in whatever way you feel is right for you.

7.     Share your truth with a trusted other in complete safety. Be sure to choose wisely so this step doesn’t send you back and continues to move you forward.

Share your comments, questions or confusion in the comments below! I'm here to support your journey into self-forgiveness.

Who’s your mama? Don’t forget this gratitude ☺

One of the lovely reorientations I experienced when I trained in Shamanic practices was attuning myself to the truth that our collective Mother is Mother Earth. This reorientation held so many beautiful healings embedded in it ~

  • I forgave my mother for not being the “perfect” mother, let go of hurts that had accumulated along the path of growing up, and released any ways I still “needed” anything from her to be well.
  • I forgave myself for not being the “perfect” mother to my own children. I humbly allowed them their own path of healing and growing, and believe that whatever dissonance they have felt with me was a part of their own awakening and evolving.
  • It matters how I treat this home of ours, Earth. If we trash her, disregard her natural rhythms and take for granted her resources, we will surely experience a collective disease and suffer.
  • I’m constantly aware of how our Earth is a self-healing, self-regulating organism, just as each of us is. Without the proper awareness of what we require to maintain wellness and experience wholeness, we lose the probability of maintaining self-healing and self-regulation.
  • My consciousness connects to the Earth and every part of her – that’s why it feels so healing and comforting to be in nature. As we spend time outdoors, paying attention to the beauty of our Earth, our nervous system relaxes and recharges. It’s as if we remember who we are in the deepest way.

One of the ways you can begin to feel more balanced and whole, after such a disturbing election and what we experienced as humans of our darker side, is to take responsibility to grow your commitment to live more wholly in line with what Mother Earth needs from you.

And that can begin simply, with gratitude.

We are, and can be the change we want, by Doing things differently ~ beginning with the way we think and where we put our attention.

How might you show and express gratitude for Mother Earth? 
 
For those of you who want to adopt a ritual for healing Mother Earth and honoring what we receive every day, I share with you a beautiful practice called Despacho. This is a lovely experience to bring a family/group together around.

  1. Before you actually begin, gather some offerings. Things like feathers, leaves, flowers, incense, essential oils, food, dried flowers, bits of papers for messages and intentions. Get a large paper to hold all that you will be placing in the offering.

  2. Create a sacred environment for this time. Light a candle, burn incense - whatever will symbolize your taking part in an important experience - a ritual or ceremony.

  3. Take your time and think about your gratitude and the gifts you receive every day that are often taken for granted. Mindfully, choose an item from your offering collection ~ really feel the gratitude for what you are focusing on. Blow the energy of your gratitude into the offering and place it on the large paper. Continue this process, taking turns if others are with you, circling around until the experience feels complete. 

  4. Gently fold your paper and tie the bundle, the Despacho. Make any final blessings you wish with it and then take it outside and mindfully bury it in a place of honor. Thank Mother Earth one last time for all your gifts ~ and spend time feeling the love. 

 

 

 

 

 

An Unexpected Path to Self-Love through Relationship by Pixie Hamilton

I love Laurel's blog entry about Surrendering to Difficult Relationships.

 

But in reality, what is missing for me in this blog is the “reality.”

That reality, for me, is that the answers to these very important steps can only arise from a state of spiritual maturity, growth, and self-love. 

Authentic handling of these steps requires a space of clarity and openness; a willingness to be vulnerable; and, most important, a space in which you first love yourself, without the affirmation of those around you and outside the boundaries and expectations of our social world.

I lived this reality.

My marriage was in tatters in 1996. For the next seven years I tried everything – anti-depressants, counseling, self-help books, church(es), more counseling, alcohol, and obsessive working and career climbing. Thoughts of suicide became more and more common. 

I now know that I fought for this most intimate relationship in the most absurd way – first, without any self-love and self-worth, and second, in the company of others, allowing their influence to take precedence. Social norms and pressures prevailed, keeping the marriage vows and knot tied for more than 20 years.

Finally, I could not take the relationship any more. I garnered enough courage to somehow edge out my fears. I left. Broken. Shamed.  I left feeling like a failure. Socially, I felt unacceptable.

No doubt, I left my marriage in fear and resistance. I didn’t surrender to the relationship out of love.

I couldn’t.

I had to first connect to me - my spiritual core to love myself. I had to tap into the universal love, abundance, intelligence, and peace that were in me all along before I could love someone else, authentically.  Only in that space could I ever surrender to a difficult relationship like my marriage.

Over the last decade, through gratitude, meditation, prayer, friends, and mentors, I returned to love. It’s in that space that I can authentically develop, maintain, surrender, and, yes, leave relationships (if my true self leads me that way).

I realize now that my soul won. I left that relationship to save myself.

In 1996, these "relationship steps" most likely would have annoyed me. I wouldn’t have understood their essence.

Today, in my space of self-love, the power of those steps is amazingly alive and resonating.  In fact, in a space of self love, surrendering to relationships in this way becomes a natural way of handling life.


I now view all relationships as gifts—opportunities to surrender to myself, others, my core, offering more views of forgiveness, boundary setting, self-realization, acceptance, awareness, and life.

I also see relationships as dynamic. They can’t be possessed or bounded by a time frame (and certainly to a "death do we part" perspective). I accept that each will change. I depend on my true self to guide me on their shape. I now know that it’s ok to let them be or go, and if that means leaving a marriage or changing a relationship with a parent or child to evolve into something else, that’s ok, too. As long as the changing occurs in a space of self-love.

Many years after my divorce in 2005, I reached out to my ex-husband from my space of love (not fear or resistance) to establish a relationship at a different level. I remember it as one of my most scary, courageous, vulnerable and forgiving acts. Unfortunately, he was not receptive and that relationship never evolved.

And that's ok.

It wasn’t about him.

It was about me, and the continued growth of my soul.

The relationship was one of my greatest gifts in this world. And, I love him more for that gift every day.

Prosperity for All– Not just the lucky, strong, or hard-working by Pixie Hamilton

“You are the owner of all that you perceive. But you can’t perceive apart from your vibration. Feel your way, little-by-little, into a greater sense of abundance by looking for the treasures that the Universe is offering you on a day-to-day basis.” ~ Esther Hicks

Prosperity is derived from Old French “prosperite” and from Latin “prosperitas” and translates to “doing well.”

To me, “doing well” is NOT about money or material wealth.

Prosperity goes much deeper. I can’t see prosperity. I can’t touch it. But I know it. It stems from a deep contentment in life and my highest purpose.

Prosperity is in every single moment, constantly adding value to my life and those around me. The value manifests in terms of serving, forgiving, accepting, creating opportunities, providing joyful and purposeful experiences, promoting peace and love, creating harmonious relationships, and finding pleasure in everything I do.

Prosperity is constantly coming towards me – an idea, a thought, an inspiration, a hug, the right word, a smile, relationships, wellness, expansion, ease, love, feeling capable, watching a sunset, listening to the songs of birds or a train, and enjoying Nature’s vibrant colors and sounds.

I feel prosperous when I allow this constant flow of universal and abundant prosperity; when I call attention to its presence in every moment; and when I allow the higher vibration to punctuate my life and add value to others.

I have no doubt that recognizing prosperity in all things and becoming aware of life’s small pleasures leads me to even bigger pleasures and more prosperity.

I also have no doubt that prosperity in terms of money follows these universal gifts. Manifestation of material wealth and financial abundance follow the giving of oneself and the creating of value, small and large. It follows a life committed to giving and receiving.

So….go love. And love some more!

Love_LimitlessResource

Create a “feel good” experience. Sing, smile, laugh, and do something fun. Embrace joy. And embrace joy some more!

Pay attention to the small and large blessings coming your way. Be grateful for the smiles, touches, hugs, music, and the stillness. And be grateful some more!

Create a larger space for the abundance coming your way by releasing any resistance and blocks due to grudges, fears, and negative thoughts. Forgive. And forgive some more!

Celebrate life’s infinite abundance in your life and in lives of those around you. And celebrate some more!

Giving and receiving are universal gifts of prosperity. Feel them and allow them into your life some more!!!!!!

 

Are you at War?

I tiptoe through the house shortly after 4 am. I put on the teakettle, straighten the kitchen a bit, start the dishwasher. Remembering last night and falling sound asleep on the couch then making my way quickly into bed, I consider the disregard for a tidy kitchen upon awakening. Sometimes you let go. The body tells you to. I take my tea into my meditation space and sit. Such gratitude floods me as I realize I can sit today without the pulling fatigue of my body, without the deep desire to just lay down. Enjoying the next half hour, I simply am aware of the difference of feeling a sense of wellness within. Prayers of thankfulness arise.

January_InnerPeace

Work calls me forth. Three days of letting it go, being mostly still and resting. Taking care of my body with regret and inner resistance. I see it more clearly now and I am sad.

I walk to the kitchen and refill the mug. I step onto the deck and feel the lingering warmth of the night, before the cold front comes in later. The early rain begins, light drops fall and I lift my face to the sky to feel them, to welcome the renewing water that falls toward me. Tears spring forth, and I want to forgive myself.

  • I forgive myself for becoming impatient and judgey as soon as I feel unwell.
  • I forgive myself for wanting antibiotics so that I can feel better in a snap and get on with my work and feelings of productivity.
  • I forgive myself for still having an inner critic that wants me to be well, all day every day.
  • I forgive myself for not appreciating all that my body does for me, every day – I breathe, I release, I walk and talk, I hug and write, I sleep and eat, the opportunity to feel love.
  • I forgive myself for feeling such disappointment at losing days of accomplishing effort toward my goals.
  • I forgive myself for not readily allowing the need my body has right now to restore its balance, to regain an alignment, perhaps growing in ways I cannot understand.
  • I forgive myself for still working with these old patterns that work hard at holding on and not allowing a more consistent peace within.

The war is over. Peace descends and I am grateful. This is the practice of learning how to end a war from within. Peace is a practice, often of deep forgiving.

What are you at war with inside? I’d love to hear your challenges. I hope you are inspired to forgive today. What needs forgiving?

Don't Wait for Death

What you don't deal with in life comes to visit at the end of life. NOTE - What you DO deal with frees you to live wholly, honestly in this life. 

When my dad passed last month, I became acutely aware of the gifts of dealing directly with old hurts, forgiving and letting go. My healing journey began 26 years ago. I spent many hours in self-reflection and in healing spaces with loving support that helped me grow into the strong and clear woman I am today. I worked hard and made a very deep commitment to myself to heal all that I can in this lifetime. I continue that commitment. It no longer feels like work, it feels like loving service to myself and others.

I felt very disappointed and frustrated with my relationship with my father for a long time. With persistence and the right kind of help, I came to accept my father for who he was and allowed him to be just that without internally anguishing about what I didn't care for. I also came to know who I am, allowing myself to be all of Me! My dad loved me in his way. I wanted more intimacy and connection in my relationships than I experienced with him. I want to feel known and heard and understood. In time I gathered a beautiful support circle (that grows and changes with life changes) that nurtured me into a true sense of wholeness. These people know me, understand me and listen well to me. They are my chosen tribe. I let go of the need to have a quality of relationship with my Dad that I had wanted but couldn't cultivate without him wanting those same things. I let it be. My gift was that I experienced wonderful love and support from others, and also found peace inside to let my Dad be who he was  - less able to navigate and cultivate intimate relationships.

Circle

During his last week of life I held space from afar. My youngest sister and dear niece, who is a nurse, tended him at his bedside. I sent loving prayers and attention and intention for him to have the end of life experience that he desired. I lit candles and created an altar that I could look at, reminding me to send peace and love their way consistently. This allowed me to feel like I was participating in a valuable way. I checked in with myself daily to make sure I didn't "need" to head north to see him one more time. I made sure he was asked if he wanted me there. He said,"Laurel knows".  We were at peace with one another.

We were at peace with one another because I wanted nothing less than peace and dedicated myself to the cause. I believe he wanted the same. So it was. But in order to get to that peace I needed to feel all the other heavier feelings that came earlier in life with the disappointment and lack of connection. I needed to cry those tears of loss, say what I wanted to him, voice the disappointment and then, Let it Be, release. And in doing that I opened a space within to become peaceful. I gained freedom from the old relationship of little girl and emotionally unavailable father. The relationship became spiritual seeker and spiritual seeker. I could tell him what I thought and not hold back. And that felt good because I like to think (I hope this is true) that I did so compassionately, boldly and clearly. I have my thoughts, opinions and path to walk Dad, and I am doing it.

Sadly, others in my family have not walked this healing path. My Dad did not know how to navigate that space with them and lead them along. The end of my Dad's life brought drama in this circle. Because at the end of life, what wasn't dealt with in life comes to visit. I am saddened by these new family dynamics, but I accept that this is the consequence of not doing the work while we are alive and able to make that conscious choice to create more healed, harmonious and loving relationships. We all have the opportunity to seek inner peace and healing. When we take that opportunity and run with it, everyone around us is served. We contribute to global harmony in our most powerful way. By creating it internally and in all the relationships we engage in as best we can.

ExamineWhat have you been avoiding, what creates conflict for you inside? Now is the time to learn to navigate those difficult waters, while you have time to create the peace you desire.

An Intentional Health Care Plan

In my world, health care has little to do with western medicine and insurance. For this I am grateful, since both of these systems are struggling presently to serve customers well. Here is my intentional, conscious, empowering health care plan.health care 1. Move, stretch and raise my heart rate through aerobic activity on a regular basis. This changes with my daily sense of well-being and energy. I feel stronger in every way - mentally, emotionally and spiritually when I am in touch with my physical body and moving it as it wants to. There is an impulse from within that will lets me know what I need, and I make every effort to remain in connection to that inner impulse.

2. Eat well. Same as above. I sense what my body and being need for food. When I am eating from an emotional place, I crave sweets. When I am in a balanced place, I usually crave nothing. Some particular food may "sound good", and that tends to be what my body needs to function well.

3. Have a monthly massage. I am a very emotional and physical person. Energetically I move a lot through my system and a massage helps me detox from residual emotional and energetic experiences. My natural inclination is to stuff, not to release, so I need support to maintain a movement outward, to release.

massage4. Meditate and self-reflect daily. I enjoy spending an hour in quiet daily, so that is my steady goal. As an introvert, my natural inclination is to be quiet. Daily stillness provides this time and keeps me feeling grounded and centered. Self-reflection is essential for me. I take responsibility for the quality of my life. Reflection gives me the time and space to examine how to "be" the authentic me, in order to create the life I want.

5. Experience alternative health care providers. Most recently I went to an Oriental Medical Practitioner and was prescribed an intense regimen of herbs for 10 days. The herbs didn't taste good, but wow, did they help with my sleeping and overall sense of well-being. I always feel empowered to understand how my body and being maintain health when I visit an alternative provider. These health care agents tend to spend more time with me and they love to share knowledge about how the body heals and what it needs to maintain well-being.

6. Surround myself with mutually loving relationships. I have lost interest in maintaining one-sided, or "care-taking" relationships  with others in my personal world. My personal mission is to help others find their inner power and wisdom, and in so doing serve the world, with their innate gifts. One-sided or "care taking" relationships are not in line with this mission. I know that people are capable of great love and sharing, to accept less means I believe they are incapable.

7. Make every day conscious and intentional. As I live with clarity about what makes me excited and joyful, I realize that bringing this energy to the world is what will serve at the highest level. Healing old wounds, accepting others for who they are, and knowing I create my daily experiences through my choices means I am free to co-create with what is around me in the "best" way I can.

What is your intentional  health care plan? :)

Do You Want Love? Learn to Re-Open Your Heart

Who isn't searching for love, the kind that feels comforting, supportive and safe? We are hard-wired to desire this because it is connected to our potential to thrive. Many years ago in ground-breaking research, babies who were fed, but not held, experienced the syndrome of failure to thrive. Failure to thrive means minimal growth and lack of vitality for life. We all need love and human nurturing to grow fully. Your heart holds the key

Why then, are so many of us frustrated with the condition and quality of love in our lives? I believe it is because we were not shown or taught how to give and receive love well and fully. Many of us learned how to wall off our hearts rather than to open our hearts and tenderly connect with others. One of the processes I love guiding clients through is the re-opening of the heart.

Re-opening the heart requires immense courage as well as particular support and encouragement. When you have come to believe that the world is not safe, that others are not trustworthy or that your heart will be broken and battered yet again, closing off the heart energetically is the unconscious but effective way to keep hurt out. And guess what? It also keeps love out. Thus, failure to thrive.

At the beginning of re-opening the heart, we learn to first acknowledge the heart and how it is speaking, often crying for attention. We learn to listen, to accept, to grieve the past and to gently breathe energy back into the heart. We turn our loving attention to self and create a safe environment within where we can self-nurture and ultimately heal. We learn to release judgment, particularly of self, the action that keeps the heart closed tight. We come to understand the importance of grieving consciously, of letting go of past disappointments, of past hurts and betrayals, so that we can live fully in the now. We learn to develop healthy boundaries, one of the most essential and often difficult tasks for women who want to live balanced, loving, and happy lives.

If you are feeling like you don't experience the love you desire in your life, you can change that. When we learn to let go of the Cinderella syndrome as the answer to living a loving life, we set ourselves onto a path of learning how to let love in, in a multitude of wonderful ways. If you need help because you know your heart is walled off, I am here for you.

For those in the Richmond area, attending my workshop on Creating Loving Relationships in November will offer you ideas about how to create new patterns for opening to love consciously. You might find October's workshop, Creating Life Balance, another place to start, where you can identify what your priorities truly are and how you can reset your priorities for a more loving lifestyle. Or commit to understanding how to put all your emotional energy to use and become a powerhouse to fuel your life well by attending my workshop series on Using Your Emotional Energy Wisely. Expect to learn great life skills when you attend my workshops!

End Your Guilt Habit

Today' message encourages you to end one of the most draining habits that can sabotage any forward movement in your life. Guilt will drag you down, pull you back and cause you to feel heavy all over. (Is your weight an issue for you?) Instead, you CAN make peace with your past and claim a joyful today. But first you must end the guilt habit.

Saying Good Byes Consciously by Dawn Holland

It is a time of saying goodbye in my life. Good bye to the man I have spent 20 years with and still love dearly even though we have divorced, to family members - my daughter and mother, two of my best friends, to a business I love and built with great joy, to a home I cherish and have cared for 10 years and to many dear friends and clients I have come to care for and love over the years I have lived here in Maine. My heart aches and I shed tears regularly. No matter how ready and excited I am to move to a new state and create a new home and business, make new friends, be near family I love and have missed dearly, this time of ending, saying goodbye and leaving, is probably one of the more painful experiences in my life. The decision to end my life here and move has been a long process that was not experienced lightly. This is a grieving process that I am moving through gently and carefully, as I make decisions about how to move onward. During this period I have experienced a reoccurrence of the anxiety that had calmed. This is because the major life changes I am experiencing means facing fears that I have avoided in the safe world in which I had been living. Part of me wants to remain "safe", go back to what I know. But that means settling for a life that is not true to my heart and soul. I choose to head forward.

The return of anxiety has felt so frustrating and aggravating at times. I have wanted to say, “Never mind, this is too hard.” Thank goodness for all my past hard work and I am able to recognize fear for what it is. An emotion to be allowed, considered and moved through and beyond, to a place of calm again. That is what I am doing while using my breathing, my times of quiet, prayer and supportive conversations with trusted others.

There are occasions when it is easier to connect with the visualizations I am creating about my future. Other days are filled with the practical tasks of closing out the old life and there is little mind energy for anything other than a good cry. And that’s okay as I do the best I can in this brand new situation.

These conscious good byes are not easy or smooth by any means. I continue because I feel guided by something greater than me. I am able to connect with that certain “knowing within” because I have spent time with the truth and myself and have learned how to listen to wisdom when it comes. As I now move forward, connecting to knowing what is right for me, the ability to follow my chosen Path, comes more easily. This is a huge leap of trust and faith I am taking … that’s what it is all about right now!

I will continue with my good byes until the moving truck rolls down the road. I will continue to let my tears come and cleanse my aching heart. And little by little - or in leaps and bounds - I will welcome the excitement and joy that is easing it’s way into my being. There is a new normal, a different balance to be found in the way I am living. For anyone making a major life change, as I am, I hope you are being kind and loving towards yourself. Both the mind and body deserve to be honored as they are progressing towards a new beginning while letting go of the past.