A beginner’s guide to manifesting the life you want

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There’s a lot of language out there in the personal development space these days about “manifesting” and the “law of attraction”. Language about putting what you want out into the Universe and then it comes back to you. All of that might sound a little involved but really, it’s pretty simple stuff. Let’s dive into how you can start this process in your own life today.

  1. Take an inventory of what’s working in your life and what’s not working. Start with an assessment of your core values. How are you living in alignment with what you value and where are areas you aren’t living in alignment with those values?

  2. Get quiet and ask yourself how you want to feel. What do you want your primary emotion to be that you aren’t feeling right now? What brings that emotion out of you? (ex. I want to feel joy. Then ask, what decisions in your days bring you joy?)

  3. DREAM! What do you want your life to look like? Write out your perfect day. What activities do you do? How do you spend your time? What do you feel? What do you taste/smell? Dive into all those sweet, juicy details.

  4. Put it out there and release. Create a vision board for your life. Share your dream with a trusted friend. Someone that allows you to wholeheartedly let yourself be seen and heard.

  5. And then, let go.

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Here’s the deal.

In order for the universe (or whatever higher power you believe in) to hear you, then you must be in alignment with what you value and want in your life. That’s where that sweet little inventory at the beginning comes in.

Boundaries are also key here for coming into alignment. Creating boundaries and habits that support the life experience you want to be having is the initial step to becoming aligned, not only with yourself, but with your higher power.

When we are in alignment, we are vibrating at a higher frequency. Our energy is lighter and we feel good. If I lost you there, think about it this way. When you get rid of a burden, a weight has been lifted (aka you feel lighter). Or when you’re sad, you literally feel heavy and weighed down. When you’re happy, it’s like you could skip down the sidewalk or jump right up and touch the sky because of that joy. The simplicity is this -

Positive emotions are light and negative emotions are heavy. We want more of the positive ones so we experience that high vibration, light-weight energy.

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Allowing yourself to express your dream and have it be received by the great beyond is so important. Don’t get bogged down with asking for it all the time or using your energy every moment to think about what it is you want. That’s not useful or effective.

After you’ve put it out there, you’ve gotta let go and simply live in alignment. Michael Beckwith explains it like this - if you keep asking for it then you’re only sending messages that you don’t have it. He also says it’s like a wishing well, you make the wish and then you release it.

“It’s just about letting the universe know what you want and working toward it while letting go of how it comes to pass. Your job is not to figure out how it’s gonna happen for you but to open the door in your head and when the door opens in real life just walk through it. And don’t worry if you miss your cue, they’ll keep opening.”

- Jim Carey

What do you think? Not too hard right? Follow those simple steps and you’ll be on your way to the life of your dreams. And if you want even more, go listen to Michael Beckwith and Oprah over at SuperSoul Conversations - wowwweeeee that’ll really put things into perspective.

If you have any questions about this or want more guidance, comment below! I’m here to help!

Love & Light,
Cass

A Technique for Developing Presence

Use a timer to make this technique even more impactful ~

Use a timer to make this technique even more impactful ~

How do you clear the slates of your mind to become present to what you are encountering – right now? This is the key to being present, to living fully in the now, and to being truly available to those with whom you are spending your time.
 
Are you frustrated, like I am, with people looking at their phones instead of into your eyes?

We live in a world where many of us are distracted by social media, what’s popping up on our smart phones, and the on-going feeling of never getting enough done. Presence– or the lack of - is a real problem for relationships and for communicating effectively.
 
Say hi to “What’s On Top?”! I love this technique for purposefully making yourself available for life in the moment. We used this strategy in group process at our womens centers, and I have carried it through in the groups I lead today.
 
One of my recent program participants used it in our phone conversation today and I thought, “This is a great share for the blog!” Everyone could benefit from this simple but powerful communication and presence technique. 
 
This strategy for cultivating greater presence is called “What’s On Top?”
 
Here’s how it works. Before you actually get into the agenda of what you came together for, each person takes a turn to share what’s on their minds. Think of it as a quick mind dump. In groups, we use a timer so that it’s a structured, intentional way to release what’s occupying your mind. And then, focus on what’s in front of you. With practice, you’ll find it easy to let go of the distractions and be more focused in the moment.
 
In a world where we are being bombarded with more information and “stuff” vying for our attention, you can intentionally create ways to re-focus. Developing strategies to become present to those you love and with whom you work gives you more credibility, deepens your influence, and allows you to experience the intimacy you naturally crave and often miss out on. 

Let's give what we want to receive. Are you willing to invite others into more fulfilling commutations and connections with you, to create them together? 
 
Try this technique, share it with your peeps and enjoy the gift of really listening and truly feeling heard!
 
Feel free to forward this blog to a friend or significant other with whom you want to try out “What’s on Top”. Together you can experience deeper and more meaningful, effective and more productive, conversations and connections.
 

Who's in Control this Year?

Clients always talk about control "issues". Mostly other peoples :)

We all have control issues, so let's get over it :) The important part is knowing what yours are and how to use them to your advantage. It's also really great to know what they are so you can own them instead of having others be annoyed by them and calling you out for them.

I call myself out all the time on my control issues -  I'm including you today! Confession - I love a neat house! Why? Because

It makes me feel in control

 it gives me a sense of peace and

it allows me to focus.

How can I not appreciate this control issue when it serves me so well? 

Here was the office mess from last year that I needed to deal with this week before I started the new year and could think clearly ~

Because I am in control of my paperwork and my agenda for the year to come, I put this mess to bed in less than 2 hours. I have a new system for the year to keep my mess in control and I love the feeling of starting fresh.

What I realize more than ever this year is that my joy and creative energy are tied to my actions, the way I organize my days and how I set my agenda. I am ready for the year to come! I'll leave you with this quote I received serendipitously at a retreat late last year. I'm pretty sure I'm embodying this now. 

What are your control issues? How aware are you of them? Ask a trusted friend for some feedback on this one and just listen. Take it all in and just consider what they might see that you don't. Feel free to share one with me in the comments here. I won't feel alone in my confession :)

What are you doing for yourself this year to become more aware of your habits, of what holds you back, of your control issues? Do you feel in control of your agenda, your life and the stuff you are responsible for? I'd love to have you be a part of my online program to  Live Your Inner Power - understand what your control issues are and really get in the driver's seat of your life. You can learn more here. We launch in just a couple weeks! 

No Back Doors – 5 steps to take to raise your commitment level to Achieve what you want

As women, it can be a struggle to maintain relationships and also commit to what we really want from work, from recreation and for ourselves. I intimately understand this dilemma. My relationships are essential to my well-being. Therefore, like many women, I must be vigilant to not over give, and then find I haven't the energy to achieve what I want in other ways.

During a final session of a week-long retreat when I was training in the Shamanic path, we were urged to commit to our work, to our life and to the path we were walking. The session was called – “No back doors”.

I often think of the phrase, no back doors, and this session as I re-commit continuously to my work as a healer and a coach. In my work with women, I witness them struggle to keep their own life in a place of top priority to them, for them. I am reminded of the deep shift that came for me when I simply decided, there would be no back door when it came to this important work. Because of this, I have written a book - something I never would have imagined not that many years ago - and work with more and more clients to live more fulfilling and satisfying lives. 

As women we often work hard at our relationships, investing oodles of time and energy, often making it hard to shift focus when we want to achieve something important. It’s not necessary to abandon relationships, but it is critical to modify your patterns if you want to succeed in other important areas of life.

Here are a few steps to take today to begin to alter your habits and give yourself the energy and focus required to make what you really want a reality.

1.     Take inventory of all relationships to which you give time each week. Actually track the hours you give to others to get a sense of what is really happening. This includes every hour you spend with someone that isn’t about what you really want. You might surprise yourself.

2.     Identify which relationships make up your support circle – the ones that hold what you want in high importance too. These are the relationships that must become a priority as you move toward change.

3.     Stop saying yes to anyone for anything for at least one month and say, “I’m not able to commit time to you right now. I have too much going on.”

4.     Take time everyday, even if it’s only for 10 minutes to write in a journal about what you want to change and how you want your life to be 2 years from now.

5.     Consider finding a mastermind or support group to be a part of as you make the changes you desire.

When you commit to yourself - to your deep wants, saying – there are no back doors – it’s surprising what opportunities show up, what others accept as you change and grow, and what excitement you ignite inside!

If you live in the Richmond area, think about joining us for Winter Solstice this year. We’ll be focusing on commitment and following through with action toward our dreams. Solstice is always a night to remember. Details are here.

An Unexpected Path to Self-Love through Relationship by Pixie Hamilton

I love Laurel's blog entry about Surrendering to Difficult Relationships.

 

But in reality, what is missing for me in this blog is the “reality.”

That reality, for me, is that the answers to these very important steps can only arise from a state of spiritual maturity, growth, and self-love. 

Authentic handling of these steps requires a space of clarity and openness; a willingness to be vulnerable; and, most important, a space in which you first love yourself, without the affirmation of those around you and outside the boundaries and expectations of our social world.

I lived this reality.

My marriage was in tatters in 1996. For the next seven years I tried everything – anti-depressants, counseling, self-help books, church(es), more counseling, alcohol, and obsessive working and career climbing. Thoughts of suicide became more and more common. 

I now know that I fought for this most intimate relationship in the most absurd way – first, without any self-love and self-worth, and second, in the company of others, allowing their influence to take precedence. Social norms and pressures prevailed, keeping the marriage vows and knot tied for more than 20 years.

Finally, I could not take the relationship any more. I garnered enough courage to somehow edge out my fears. I left. Broken. Shamed.  I left feeling like a failure. Socially, I felt unacceptable.

No doubt, I left my marriage in fear and resistance. I didn’t surrender to the relationship out of love.

I couldn’t.

I had to first connect to me - my spiritual core to love myself. I had to tap into the universal love, abundance, intelligence, and peace that were in me all along before I could love someone else, authentically.  Only in that space could I ever surrender to a difficult relationship like my marriage.

Over the last decade, through gratitude, meditation, prayer, friends, and mentors, I returned to love. It’s in that space that I can authentically develop, maintain, surrender, and, yes, leave relationships (if my true self leads me that way).

I realize now that my soul won. I left that relationship to save myself.

In 1996, these "relationship steps" most likely would have annoyed me. I wouldn’t have understood their essence.

Today, in my space of self-love, the power of those steps is amazingly alive and resonating.  In fact, in a space of self love, surrendering to relationships in this way becomes a natural way of handling life.


I now view all relationships as gifts—opportunities to surrender to myself, others, my core, offering more views of forgiveness, boundary setting, self-realization, acceptance, awareness, and life.

I also see relationships as dynamic. They can’t be possessed or bounded by a time frame (and certainly to a "death do we part" perspective). I accept that each will change. I depend on my true self to guide me on their shape. I now know that it’s ok to let them be or go, and if that means leaving a marriage or changing a relationship with a parent or child to evolve into something else, that’s ok, too. As long as the changing occurs in a space of self-love.

Many years after my divorce in 2005, I reached out to my ex-husband from my space of love (not fear or resistance) to establish a relationship at a different level. I remember it as one of my most scary, courageous, vulnerable and forgiving acts. Unfortunately, he was not receptive and that relationship never evolved.

And that's ok.

It wasn’t about him.

It was about me, and the continued growth of my soul.

The relationship was one of my greatest gifts in this world. And, I love him more for that gift every day.

Surrendering to a Difficult Relationship and Finding Comfort

We mistakenly believe that relationships that are difficult are not worthy of our attention or time.

Or worse, we obsess over what to do but do nothing but think it over, and over and over. 

And at some point leaving a relationship may be the wisest decision. But leaving prematurely means you might miss an opportunity to really grow and gain essential wisdom. 

My suggestion is first to surrender to the difficult relationship. Because it let's you know what you really want, and own it.

So how do you know what to do about a difficult relationship? Surrendering can be taken in steps ~

1. Identify why you began the relationship. Be clear and precise about what you were seeking in it.

2. Assess what you want from it now. Be clear and be precise.

3. Ask for what you want. Be clear in your communication. If you are clear in yourself, you will be clear in your communication. If you are not clear in yourself, go back to step 2. 

4. Get an answer from the "other" about whether they are willing or interested to have and give, what it is you want to receive and offer, in this relay-tionship. Remember it's about both of you, it's about a back and forth. The dynamics change when BOTH people want change.

5. When the relationship is causing difficult feelings to come up for you, take time to know what the feelings are and what your expectations behind the feelings are.

6. Do your shadow work! When you are bothered by a quality in someone, ask yourself "how does this quality live in me?"

7. Trust your heart to move through the process honestly and authentically. Without authenticity you suffer and others do too.

What you want matters. If you don't claim it forthrightly, it often goes underground and makes life messy. It's courageous to own what you want.

What stops you from saying what you want in a relationship? Share that right here  and we can support you to grow in any difficult relationship you are experiencing.

Sick and tired of rescuing others? Maybe you can help by stopping that...

Stop right there! Do you want to rescue the people around you from discomfort and stress? Read this first! cropped-examine.jpg

Discomfort can be a way the body registers stress and the need to grow and change. It can signal the need to act differently. It can be the call to change or connect with the changes going on around us. It can be a plea to listen and pay attention more carefully. It can herald new beginnings.

As a mother, a woman, a friend and a daughter, the most difficult times for me to let discomfort be a servant, is when my discomfort is signaling a loved one's discomfort. My immediate reaction is to help, to make it better, to make the pain go away for them. I have learned to no longer react to this instant inner response.

My path to changing this pattern and creating a new way of interacting first took hold when I practiced the agreement "No Advice Giving" at our women's center. No advice giving embodies the belief that each of us holds our own best wisdom and advice internally, that we are brilliant - inherently smart enough to know what we need. We simply need a space to connect to that inner wise one. We can learn to provide that space for others. It's a different way of supporting that releases the knee jerk reaction of rescuing.

Being a sacred space holder for another is a high act of service and wisdom. It requires doing your own work so you can get out of another's way of growing well. It requires adopting new beliefs about what really helps others when they are stressed and in need. It means you become skillful at sitting with discomfort yourself and wondering about it before instantly making it go away or distracting yourself from it. All this helps you return to the childlike curiosity of a fresh mind. It's quite liberating when you experience "being a sacred space holder".

The next time you have the urge to rescue another, take a breath. Notice the urge. Don't act on it. Begin to wonder, what does this person want? How might their discomfort serve them if I can hold space for them and encourage them to explore their discomfort more deeply? What in me needs support or growth so that I no longer "need" to rescue?

If this posting speaks to your heart, take a look at my newly released book, Courageous Woman, Live Your Inner Power. The book is a full dive into new ways of considering how to connect with yourself and the world around you, a way to grow your capacity to be fully present to life, live powerfully and feel good!

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How can your Ego help You? by Pixie Hamilton

I have always thought of the Ego in a somewhat negative light. I saw it separate and as the part of me that “steals” from my Divinity and my “truth.” I have been taught in church (including the New Thought church I currently attend) that my Ego is bad – that it Edges God Out, so to speak. Over the past 15 years I have looked at my Ego through “black and white” eyes; my Ego was the “Fear” in my life, whereas my Divine Source was the “Love.” My Ego was “evil,” and the Divine Source in me was “good.” My latest breakthrough, or “AHA” moment, was that I have been giving Ego a really bad rap. I need my Ego. I especially need my Ego as defined by Webster and other dictionaries: “Ego is the mediator in the material world around me; it is that part of me that is thinking, feeling, and willing; it is that part of me that experiences and reacts to the outside world and mediates the demands of the social and physical environment; it is that part of me that controls my thoughts and behavior; that part of me that facilitates me with the external world and reality.”

What if my Ego was also my mediator between me and my Divinity?

What if my Ego wasn’t all bad? What if my Ego was my friend and my ally?

For 15 years, I essentially (and unknowingly) gave it up for Divinity. Sounds strange, but I gave up my Ego to save my soul.

So, at 57 years old I began to ask what does my Ego look like? What does its voice sound like? Is it manic? Sinister? Kind? Smart? What would it (essentially me?) look like if it were illuminated?

I threw my “black and white” glasses down and began to look at myself with clearer eyes, new clarity and awareness. I stared and stared at the mirror. Literally. I looked hard and wondered who it was. Blankly the image stared back. I stared harder, and longer, and more longingly to embrace a new view of this person. It wasn’t long that I realized a lot about my Ego. Sure, it can be negative. I see why it gets a bad rap. The Ego gives me the urge to inflate, to assert, dominate, interrupt, compare, manipulate, insult, lack curiosity...I could go on. But, after observing “me” with this new clarity, I see that my Ego—my thoughts, my mediation of the world around me—is also very kind, caring, energetic, playful, smart, inquisitive, listening, persistent, hard-working…and, yes, I could go on.

Why would I give that up? Why not embrace and own that part of me and my personality and my behavior? Why not simply become more aware of when my Ego runs amok and those times that my Ego behaves out of alignment with my Source? Why not just sit with a feeling of simplicity and the grace of being myself in those times? Why not watch and “simply be?” I can choose that deliberately– after all, the Ego is my thoughts and mind. If I want to, I can refuse, for example, to make that phone call and gossip. Or refuse to denigrate myself. I can just let it go. My Ego is my vehicle to choose, thoughtfully and deliberately.

LivingConciously

I now realize that avoiding my Ego; hating my Ego; pushing back my Ego; creating that separation over these last years has not allowed me to fully accept “me.” In fact, I am now convinced that it is only up to the last few weeks that I truly accepted and embraced the full ME!

I look again in the mirror, fully without hesitation or questioning. I see the Divine and the Ego. I see the good they can do together. I haven’t fully learned how to tap into “me” yet – my full Ego – but I am now willing to accept and own who I am. I acknowledge the potential raw power. I know that I am unique. I know that I am exceptional. I know that both my Ego and my Divinity are necessary for my wholeness. I need my Ego—my personality, self-image, my projection, my thoughts, my behavior, and my gifts—to express my Divinity, the highest expression of who I am.

Getting to know the Divine and all its universal power, love, abundance, and grace over the last 15 years has saved me. But now I step further into enlightenment. I realize I was only halfway there.

Today and every day forward, I now fully accept my Ego (me) as my critical tool to shine. It is there for realizing that everything that happens is for the expression of the Divine coming through me. What a wonderful thought to think that my Divine Source is using my Ego to serve its (my) glorification. How wonderful to think that when my Ego is in alignment, it is my trusted ally with which I can move forward in this material world – completely, fully, and with Divine love and grace.

Prosperity for All– Not just the lucky, strong, or hard-working by Pixie Hamilton

“You are the owner of all that you perceive. But you can’t perceive apart from your vibration. Feel your way, little-by-little, into a greater sense of abundance by looking for the treasures that the Universe is offering you on a day-to-day basis.” ~ Esther Hicks

Prosperity is derived from Old French “prosperite” and from Latin “prosperitas” and translates to “doing well.”

To me, “doing well” is NOT about money or material wealth.

Prosperity goes much deeper. I can’t see prosperity. I can’t touch it. But I know it. It stems from a deep contentment in life and my highest purpose.

Prosperity is in every single moment, constantly adding value to my life and those around me. The value manifests in terms of serving, forgiving, accepting, creating opportunities, providing joyful and purposeful experiences, promoting peace and love, creating harmonious relationships, and finding pleasure in everything I do.

Prosperity is constantly coming towards me – an idea, a thought, an inspiration, a hug, the right word, a smile, relationships, wellness, expansion, ease, love, feeling capable, watching a sunset, listening to the songs of birds or a train, and enjoying Nature’s vibrant colors and sounds.

I feel prosperous when I allow this constant flow of universal and abundant prosperity; when I call attention to its presence in every moment; and when I allow the higher vibration to punctuate my life and add value to others.

I have no doubt that recognizing prosperity in all things and becoming aware of life’s small pleasures leads me to even bigger pleasures and more prosperity.

I also have no doubt that prosperity in terms of money follows these universal gifts. Manifestation of material wealth and financial abundance follow the giving of oneself and the creating of value, small and large. It follows a life committed to giving and receiving.

So….go love. And love some more!

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Create a “feel good” experience. Sing, smile, laugh, and do something fun. Embrace joy. And embrace joy some more!

Pay attention to the small and large blessings coming your way. Be grateful for the smiles, touches, hugs, music, and the stillness. And be grateful some more!

Create a larger space for the abundance coming your way by releasing any resistance and blocks due to grudges, fears, and negative thoughts. Forgive. And forgive some more!

Celebrate life’s infinite abundance in your life and in lives of those around you. And celebrate some more!

Giving and receiving are universal gifts of prosperity. Feel them and allow them into your life some more!!!!!!

 

Are you at War?

I tiptoe through the house shortly after 4 am. I put on the teakettle, straighten the kitchen a bit, start the dishwasher. Remembering last night and falling sound asleep on the couch then making my way quickly into bed, I consider the disregard for a tidy kitchen upon awakening. Sometimes you let go. The body tells you to. I take my tea into my meditation space and sit. Such gratitude floods me as I realize I can sit today without the pulling fatigue of my body, without the deep desire to just lay down. Enjoying the next half hour, I simply am aware of the difference of feeling a sense of wellness within. Prayers of thankfulness arise.

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Work calls me forth. Three days of letting it go, being mostly still and resting. Taking care of my body with regret and inner resistance. I see it more clearly now and I am sad.

I walk to the kitchen and refill the mug. I step onto the deck and feel the lingering warmth of the night, before the cold front comes in later. The early rain begins, light drops fall and I lift my face to the sky to feel them, to welcome the renewing water that falls toward me. Tears spring forth, and I want to forgive myself.

  • I forgive myself for becoming impatient and judgey as soon as I feel unwell.
  • I forgive myself for wanting antibiotics so that I can feel better in a snap and get on with my work and feelings of productivity.
  • I forgive myself for still having an inner critic that wants me to be well, all day every day.
  • I forgive myself for not appreciating all that my body does for me, every day – I breathe, I release, I walk and talk, I hug and write, I sleep and eat, the opportunity to feel love.
  • I forgive myself for feeling such disappointment at losing days of accomplishing effort toward my goals.
  • I forgive myself for not readily allowing the need my body has right now to restore its balance, to regain an alignment, perhaps growing in ways I cannot understand.
  • I forgive myself for still working with these old patterns that work hard at holding on and not allowing a more consistent peace within.

The war is over. Peace descends and I am grateful. This is the practice of learning how to end a war from within. Peace is a practice, often of deep forgiving.

What are you at war with inside? I’d love to hear your challenges. I hope you are inspired to forgive today. What needs forgiving?