Who doesn't love a great aha moment? When I have one, I think of it as a rearranging of my inner architecture, a way to open inside to new insights, opportunities and positive change. I had ah aha recently while training with my coach. A vulnerable area in my life and within my being is my voice. I have always been horrified at the thought of being the center of attention. Inwardly I shrink when all eyes are on me and I can get flustered and nervous. Depending on how rampant the energy is running through me, hiding seems like a great idea. People are often surprised when I reveal this because apparently many just see my calm, cool and collected exterior and think I am all confidence and comfort. Not so much.
At Rachael Jayne and Datta Groover's Awaken Your Impact conference we were doing shadow work. We were all instructed to think of a quality that others exhibit that we physically react to, and not in a good way. The kind of experience when we can become judgmental or resistant to the truth of the experience. Immediately I thought of being around people who just talk about themselves and exhibit no interest in those around them. It's especially irritating when they go on and on and it seems as though it wouldn't matter if you were standing there or someone else was occupying your space.
The next instruction was to consider how this shadow piece held a gift for us in the way we want to grow or develop our business. Speaking on stage and inspiring others has been a long-buried dream that I recently have allowed myself to own. As I consider this dream and the way I want to impact others positively and deeply, I realize I must become comfortable with getting up and talking about myself and being able to sustain that activity in an authentic, take-charge kind of way. I must embody that shadow quality that so irritates me in others.
Sure I will want to connect with who is in front of me. Yes, I will care that they are interested in what I have to say. But some people in the audience may receive me just as I am receiving others when I feel frustrated or offended by their behavior. They may look at me and say, "who does she think she is standing there and talking about herself?" And I need to get okay with this if I am going to speaking to groups and serve in this way.
I think about the inspirational speakers who have dramatically touched my life. They did so because they abandoned their inner critic for the moment. They let go and openly expressed the great feelings and thoughts they had. This inspired me to change and grow and claim more of me!
It's time for me to step up and step out of my comfort zone. To grow into the next version of me who wants to help others claim their gifts and use them to make this world more loving, more harmonious, more uplifting for everyone.
Going after a life-changing aha may mean looking at what you most resist - the last thing you might want to do. Enjoy an aha moment right now ... take a few minutes to ask yourself - what is the quality in others that really bothers me? How might this hold a gift for me? I'd love to hear your aha's :)
Here is a video of the man who first ignited my interest in becoming a speaker - enjoy! His name is Leo Buscaglia: as I listen to him today I realize he touched me because what he speaks also comes from my heart.