relationships

Who are you really? And how is your life demonstrating this?

Who are you deep inside? Do you know? Lately, I am reminded that life flows from this connection… so the flow you’re in will reflect how well you honor * the essential you*.

How do connect with the essential you - and then live into that true Self? First you must take time with you and get rigorously honest. I've been in that "space" lately and deepening my truth as I continue to learn and grow.

I've realized that I don’t want to build a "big" business that requires full-time attention. There have been points when I thought I did. I have big dreams and I love feeling successful. And I also want other things that are decidedly, for me, more important.

Coming to terms with wanting a thriving business that is the right size For Me - has been a huge breath of fresh air.

I Love My Clients. We do deep work. We have amazing transformational experiences together. This is what matters to me. The intimacy, the truth, the revelations.

I Love my Husband, my Family. At the heart of my being I know that I am a central figure for my family. My husband relies on me in important ways. I want to offer beautiful energy to our marriage and our business life together, to our deep connection, to Us. I want to be a mother/grandmother who has time for relaxed conversations, for offering my full self with each family member - I love them dearly and want them to know it. *Same with my dearest friendships.* In order to be that woman, I have to have the boundaries placed very delicately, very carefully, so I show up the as the woman I love being - the real Me.

Photo courtesy of Kira Marie Cline - thank you! 

Photo courtesy of Kira Marie Cline - thank you! 

Years ago I began a love affair with my soul.We meet every morning. I listen. I speak. I shed tears of gratitude… I feel the fullness of my life. I revel in the wisdom that brought me down this path of fulfillment and love. I would not abandon my time with this Higher Me for anything.

As you read this, are you thinking about your own life? Do you have the time you want for relationships as well as all the other things you want to experience? Are you feeling good about your priorities? 

We must take care as the rise of the feminine ensues all around us. We could inadvertently create new scenarios that aren't truly what we want but have been conditioned to believe we want. The only way to overcome this is "Know Thyself".  Spend time with Self. Tune in consistently inwardly.

What boundaries must you be cautious of so that you don’t overload your energy and find yourself in a trap of your own making? I'd love to know. 
 

An Unexpected Path to Self-Love through Relationship by Pixie Hamilton

I love Laurel's blog entry about Surrendering to Difficult Relationships.

 

But in reality, what is missing for me in this blog is the “reality.”

That reality, for me, is that the answers to these very important steps can only arise from a state of spiritual maturity, growth, and self-love. 

Authentic handling of these steps requires a space of clarity and openness; a willingness to be vulnerable; and, most important, a space in which you first love yourself, without the affirmation of those around you and outside the boundaries and expectations of our social world.

I lived this reality.

My marriage was in tatters in 1996. For the next seven years I tried everything – anti-depressants, counseling, self-help books, church(es), more counseling, alcohol, and obsessive working and career climbing. Thoughts of suicide became more and more common. 

I now know that I fought for this most intimate relationship in the most absurd way – first, without any self-love and self-worth, and second, in the company of others, allowing their influence to take precedence. Social norms and pressures prevailed, keeping the marriage vows and knot tied for more than 20 years.

Finally, I could not take the relationship any more. I garnered enough courage to somehow edge out my fears. I left. Broken. Shamed.  I left feeling like a failure. Socially, I felt unacceptable.

No doubt, I left my marriage in fear and resistance. I didn’t surrender to the relationship out of love.

I couldn’t.

I had to first connect to me - my spiritual core to love myself. I had to tap into the universal love, abundance, intelligence, and peace that were in me all along before I could love someone else, authentically.  Only in that space could I ever surrender to a difficult relationship like my marriage.

Over the last decade, through gratitude, meditation, prayer, friends, and mentors, I returned to love. It’s in that space that I can authentically develop, maintain, surrender, and, yes, leave relationships (if my true self leads me that way).

I realize now that my soul won. I left that relationship to save myself.

In 1996, these "relationship steps" most likely would have annoyed me. I wouldn’t have understood their essence.

Today, in my space of self-love, the power of those steps is amazingly alive and resonating.  In fact, in a space of self love, surrendering to relationships in this way becomes a natural way of handling life.


I now view all relationships as gifts—opportunities to surrender to myself, others, my core, offering more views of forgiveness, boundary setting, self-realization, acceptance, awareness, and life.

I also see relationships as dynamic. They can’t be possessed or bounded by a time frame (and certainly to a "death do we part" perspective). I accept that each will change. I depend on my true self to guide me on their shape. I now know that it’s ok to let them be or go, and if that means leaving a marriage or changing a relationship with a parent or child to evolve into something else, that’s ok, too. As long as the changing occurs in a space of self-love.

Many years after my divorce in 2005, I reached out to my ex-husband from my space of love (not fear or resistance) to establish a relationship at a different level. I remember it as one of my most scary, courageous, vulnerable and forgiving acts. Unfortunately, he was not receptive and that relationship never evolved.

And that's ok.

It wasn’t about him.

It was about me, and the continued growth of my soul.

The relationship was one of my greatest gifts in this world. And, I love him more for that gift every day.

Surrender and you will receive – really? That’s a surprise ☺

What are your big stressors?

Time - it's the top complaint I hear from stressed women! Relationships - women orient their lives to relationships, of course this is big stuff for us! Love and the desire for good loving - who doesn't want this if we don't have it? 

It's time to surrender...

Do you connect the word surrender with loss? I did for a long time. I have learned, gratefully, that surrender means gain in so many ways. Let me give you some examples ~

When I surrender to my need for self-care, I replenish my energy to give easily and freely.

surrender-self-care
surrender-trth
surrender-difficult relationship
surrender-time
surrender to love
surrender-heart

If you are struggling with anxiety, stress or fatigue, my guess is that mastering the art of surrendering could become your great healing agent.

If you looking for relief from anxiety, stress or fatigue, I am here to help you live your inner power and find that relief.  

What is your great stress? Did you like this blog? I'd love to hear from you :)

Living with An Open Heart

Living with an open heart means you are skillful at honesty, comfortable with who you are, and willing to share and listen. No wonder so many struggle with remaining open-hearted. Most of us who closed our hearts to life, did so as a protection. When you close your heart, when you put armor in place to "keep from getting hurt", eventually you become numb emotionally to life. Life feels empty and purposeless. The secret to retrieving your passion, if this is what has happened to you, is to reconnect to your heart and open it energetically again. To risk loving and living fully. It's easier and more attractive to do this when you learn the skills of living with an open heart. So even if you aren't ready to take off the armor, taking the steps above can prepare you well to live with an open, engaged heart.

Skillful at honesty. Often we hide or modify our truth to avoid what others will say in response to it. Practice telling more truth daily. Start small and work your way into bigger, more difficult truths. For instance, talk more about your feelings and don't justify them. Feelings are energy that holds no value until someone evaluates it. Don't evaluate your emotion, just learn to share it. Don't let others evaluate it or buy into it if they do. Simply hear their assessment as their perspective, which may be clouded with fear of emotional content. Claim your day, what you are doing, where you are going, what you buy, who you talk to, what you want, what you do for self-care, what you need for life balance, what you see as you future, what your dreams are. It matters to honestly share all of this with those you are closest to. If you are hiding anything, you are closing down your heart.

Comfortable with who you are. Self-acceptance is essential to an open heart. The moment you reject yourself, your heart starts closing. Without self-acceptance, which is the gateway to self-love, your heart will remain closed off to life, to love. Notice what you don't like about you, where you judge yourself, how you have determined that you are unworthy of love or happiness or comfort in your body. You are worthy of all of this. You are lovable. Only you can claim this truth and this happiness.

Willing to share and listen. The greatness of living with an open heart is the genuine connection that takes place. It is this connection that gives us feelings of warmth, love, appreciation, kindness, joy, bliss, contentment, pleasure - the list goes on and on! This is the list of life qualities that we all deeply desire and crave. When we close off the heart, it is as if we have decided we can make these cravings and desires go away. Not so. They are still there. Instead we have trapped ourselves in a life without them, or have limited them to our own inner dissatisfaction and often our own suffering. This leads to a life of bitterness and resentment. The gateway to fulfillment of all you deeply desire comes through your ability to share and listen. You must be willing, and then learn the skills of sharing honestly and listening well, authentically and lovingly.

If you know you are living with your heart protected, begin with each aspect described here and make one change every day. Stay with the process of becoming skillful at honesty. Learn to be comfortable with yourself by becoming rigorous at self-acceptance. If you have a habit of self-criticism, be on the look out for that self-talk and remind yourself - "I don't do that anymore." Practice, practice, practice. Then start sharing more honestly and kindly. Listen intently, without agenda. We are all capable of these skills. It is a matter of willingness.