How to Stop Pretzeling and Live Authentically

What have you done this week that is in complete alignment with who you truly are and what you deeply want?

Rachel and I had a great talk on Monday’s FB Live at Noon about “pretzeling” versus living authentically. It brought on some big Yeses from our community. Women resonate with the reality of twisting and turning inside and out to please, avoid and accomplish.

Do you get a creepy crawly feeling when someone you love is sharing themselves and you disagree with what they are saying, or you want something different, or you feel hurt by it inadvertently?

How about when you look at your to-do list and want to head back to bed?

Or do you know the feeling when you are in a conversation and you want to say what you think, what you feel, what you want and instead you clam up, shut down, or push aside that truth because it’s too scary, intimidating or anxiety-provoking to just day it?

Zap! That’s how pretzeling happens! Instead of courageously speaking up, you become a pretzel, modifying, withholding, or sidestepping. Along with all that comes emotions - maybe hurt. Maybe anger. Maybe guilt. Or all of them in bits. And then the inner pretzeling starts as you accommodate that inner energy.

And let’s face it, that’s just not healthy for your digestion, your state-of-mind, or your heart. And inner peace, forget it.

How can you stop pretzeling? As we suggested in the FB Live, start by tuning into yourself and recognizing what your doing. Pretzeling does not feel good – it’s downright uncomfortable in your body. Then tell yourself the truth. Say it in your head, write it in your journal, and say it out loud when you’re alone. Practice the truth.

The next best steps are finding a safe place to share – a relationship or circle where you can say it all and not be judged. A place where you can be you and be loved. In that circle you build your courage and confidence. With more of the big C’s – courage and confidence – you start saying and claiming your truth in the more challenging spaces and relationships.

Building a life that’s in alignment with your truth and your wants happens one conversation and one decision at a time. Living authentically makes getting up each day an adventure.

Let's keep the pretzeling on the yoga mat where it belongs :)


What’s your favorite non-yoga pretzel move that you’re ready to stop so you can live more authentically?

How do you know when you're living authentically?

How do you know when you're living authentically? And why does it matter?

It matters because when you live inauthentically you pay a price. Sometimes we don't even realize what those costs are. Those costs can be big -

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Always questioning yourself
  • Seeing the green grass on the "other" side 
  • Addiction

Other times the costs are less dramatic but still unfortunate -

  • Worry about the future
  • Guilt about the past
  • Feeling uneasy in your body
  • Feeling detached from your body
  • Overall boredom

When you live authentically, you look around your life and feel at ease - and hopeful. Even when you are in the throes of change and it's uncomfortable to be in the turmoil, your body will register that - this is okay. This is part of my life process right now.

You just need to keep moving through - and breathe.

One of the quickest ways to step into living more authentically is to gently own where you are feeling and living inauthentically. Begin the process of checking in with yourself in all areas, in all decisions. Does this feel right and true? Do I feel like I am in integrity? Do I feel good about who I am being right now?

A poppy is only a poppy :)

During my training on the Shamanic path I learned how to face my inauthenticity with love and grace. Questions I kept in the forefront were -

Where was I not speaking the complete truth?

When was I not willing to share my feelings?

How did I make choices that didn't align with my heart and inner truth?

Who was helping me be more authentic, who was hindering me?

No why's - they come later when you can see life in retrospect. The answers to the why's arise naturally when you've grown and time has passed.

Authentic living is being in the light. The light that let's you know - you can do this. 

Managing life in your head is troublesome. We know now that it's the stress producing path. And it's the path to chronic self-doubt. Sure, we need to think, but mental direction needs to come from an inspired place.

Instead of staying in the mental chatter of your mind, tune in to how your body feels when you make decisions. Learn your inner wisdom and how it speaks THROUGH you. Get friendly and well-acquainted with your signals, your pushes, pulls and pulses that know what's right, wrong, what's best, and what's off course for you. Learn the little details of those pulses that signal honesty, register truth, and the fear that accompanies living vulnerably.

The fear dissipates as you grow authenticity muscles and develop an inner wisdom practice. The truth and comfort remain. 

Living your authentic life is the pulse that's beating through your heart, calling you to your best life. 

Will you answer the call?

I'm here to support you in your authentic life. 

How are you feeling about your journey to authenticity? Leave a comment below and make authenticity a topic on the table!

Do you know anyone who wants to feel more authentic, more at peace in her skin? Share this message with her and spread the healing.

Your Desires - Selfish or Generous?

My upbringing was laced with messages about how my desires were fruitless and often selfish. Many of these messages actually came from my own mind as I looked around and saw that what I wanted often didn't matter or seemed impossible to become a reality. I learned to suppress my desires to guard my heart and to feel more safe inside. Ouch. One of the most beautiful transformations in my life has been my ability to open my heart and allow my deepest longings to emerge into my conscious mind. It has also been a path of risk, of challenge and of great fulfillment. And honestly, at times some frustration.

My work as a Life Coach focuses on supporting women, and sometimes men, to embody and open fully to their deep desires. What I have learned in my own life, and through working intimately with others in this way, is that great transformation, positive outcomes, and beautiful growth are often the ultimate result of embracing these daring desires.

I've seen families change and then grow on into new family experiences where everyone seems happier and more fulfilled. I've seen brilliant ideas unleashed about how to impact other people's lives who need guidance, support and love because my clients have opened their hearts and owned what they wanted. I've seen women's faces youthen before my very eyes and their inner energy come alive again, rejuvenating their zest for life. I've seen people fulfill dreams of travel, of giving voice to their unique thoughts and wisdom, and of finding meaningful relationships. All of this change came into fruition as my clients allowed their inner impulses. In short, I've seen the world be positively impacted again and again by people taking a chance on owning and acting on their hearts deepest longings.

The next time you feel a longing emerge inwardly, pause and consider this ~ Your ability to act on those impulses may be the most generous gift you can offer to the people around you and the world at large.