Committing to Self

As a woman who has nurtured others as a way of life, and one who enjoyed the "good mother" role for 30 years, I have made a new commitment to myself this year. I am placing what my inner Self needs before all else. And I am finding it an inner struggle so far. crossroads

How do you say yes! to what you deeply want and tolerate feeling like you are letting those you love down in some way? You breathe into it, you do it gently, you do it quietly, and you bear the feelings. And you tell yourself, my life is not dedicated to making sure others are not disappointed. My life is dedicated to modeling how joy and fulfillment light up the world, and inviting every person I encounter to have that experience. I cannot accept their invitation to joy. I can only say yes to mine.

And during this time of deep commitment to Self, I am aware of the inner push-pull to move towards what excites and scares me, and to then simultaneously say "I am good with life just as it is, I don't need that too." It is that voice that tells me, I don't need that too, that is my enemy right now. She will keep my life small and feeling a little heavy. I know her.

So today, I am listening carefully, honoring it all within. But I am boldly going forward to that which my heart desperately wants to experience. And in so doing I am the spiritual warrior saying Yes! to life, when I could otherwise shrink back and say good enough. It is no longer good enough to leave my deep wants unexpressed. I may let others down, but I will love them and shine and share the joy anyway.