Creating Wholeness in My Broken World

I am 56 years old. At age 30, I felt in utter despair as I looked about me and saw how I had chased the American dream and had realized it. With beautiful children, a lovely home, the handsome husband, and the freedom to be the at-home mom I wanted to be, I was racked with inner despair. And yet my life looked so good on the outside. On the inside, I was a woman who wanted true love above all else. I wanted to live in a home of harmony and honesty. I wanted to contribute to the world in a unique and special way - and had no idea what that meant or how I would do that. I wanted to speak my truth and be respected - even valued for this. At thirty I had no sense of having anything that my heart was crying for inside (I couldn't even hear what my heart was saying in all that sobbing). But I had everything I was groomed to go get. My conditioning set me on the path I was on. Until I consciously conditioned my mind to look at what my inner being was calling for, I, like many others, lived out a marginal life story, often feeling disappointed and frustrated.

Now, at 56, I realized everything I desired. Once I faced that inner despair and started owning my inner truth, I did the difficult work of learning to speak my truth, and sit still with what my heart wanted me to know. Now I have true love of all kinds in my life. I live in a home of harmony and kindness. I contribute in a unique and special way - and I know what that is and what it means to me. I have defined it, and continue to do so. I speak my truth and am respected and valued for it. I have it all - the all I deeply desired! And guess what - I groomed myself so that I could realize these experiences. I reconditioned my way of being and living in the world with the process I call "BE Your Medicine™".

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Now what? Life continues! I want more! Life wanting more is the truth of being alive! It is what the essence of being is all about - life wanting to express itself. Because we are all life wanting to express itself, the world is a composite of individual wants. We are all embodying something which our mind has decided is the "best" way to live. The question is - are you deciding it consciously? Are you choosing what you truly want, or are you part of the stream of life that is moving semi-consciously through the flow of reacting to what has already happened in life and in your world so far, and feeling blasé about it all?

At 30, when I was in a state of inner despair, I had a life that I had believed would bring me happiness. And there were parts of it that did. I felt like being a mother was a calling for me. My desire to experience motherhood and be an active and strong part of my children's lives literally drove me into therapy! When I realized I was conflicted about my marriage, when I felt like I was living a half-truth, my deep inner world was in turmoil.  I now accept that I have a strong need to be in alignment with my inner truth by living a life that reflects my inner reality in its fullness. My first marriage was an important partnering and I learned a lot. But in the depths of my heart I was not loving and committing the fullness of my heart. I had to let go of what was "good enough", to release myself from the pain of knowing I could give and be more in a relationship as important as marriage.

Facing that truth eventually led me to finding new life, in so many ways. I learned about the me that is more than wife and mom.  I  discovered meaningful work that lets me contribute in a way that I feel proud of. I got good with the truth that I don't like small talk and I need a pretty good dose of alone time as a way to stay in balance. My idea of fun is a fabulous meditation, connecting intimately with those I love, sitting on the deck with my husband gazing at the clouds or my garden, or enjoying a delicious meal with lively conversation and a few laughs with wonderful peeps. Those simple pleasures can bring me great joy. But I wasn't groomed to know all this. I had to go find all that out and then become the transformational agent that created those experiences in my world.

Transform

Now at 56, I have more dreams and desires that arise in my being. I want to share my work with as many people as I can. I want to be a part of the larger movement of human evolution, the recognition that we are pure consciousness becoming aware of itself and all that this awareness means about manifestation, love, truth, beauty and harmony. I am deeply committed to sharing my wisdom in ways that will help others find their passion, take hold of the power within them, follow their hearts, align with their soul and live consciously and joyfully.

I am here to help you BE Your Medicine™ too.