A New Start by Dawn Holland

portalAs I write this blog it has been just over a week since my new life began. I am now officially living in Virginia. I have a license and I am a resident. My home was sold, my divorce final, good byes to clients have been said and my belongings are unpacked or in storage. If I were to try to pinpoint when this journey began, and I have tried, I would have to say I don’t know. Or maybe the truth is it all started when I was born. I say this because as I walk backward through the past events that “led” to where I am now, I have seen how each situation, each person I was involved with, each moment of my life, has led me to today. I have stopped looking back except to gather my lessons of wisdom gained from difficult life experiences.

I now look forward from the present moment. This is no easy task. Life today is radically different in every way from how I used to live. I am adjusting to a wide range of change. The changes are exhilarating and frightening! The natural inclination to compare what I see and do and how I am making my decisions, to what used to be, doesn’t help. Using my inner GPS, my wise mind, to move through each moment, especially the challenging ones - and there are plenty of those – is my main mode of decision-making.

I am blessed to have loving support here in my new home and also from loved ones living farther away. Being surrounded by loving thoughts and loving energy alters my daily experience. Moving through the hard times is less stressful, and the ache of loss is of shorter duration.

This is the bravest and scariest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But I did it anyway. When life no longer fit and I felt I was betraying myself by continuing to do the same thing over and over and see no change, I knew I had to make different choices and decisions. With those decisions, I begin anew. I have attended to the practical side of things - finances, a place to live, a way to get around.

New plans are being formed as I craft a new life vision. I am realizing that with all the planning comes finding a new balance. Taking care of myself has become a whole new experience. I am responsible for my life now and I have to tell myself when to rest and eat, when to push through the tough times, when to nurture myself and have a good cry if I need it. Thank goodness my years of sitting quietly as well as my practice of deep breathing and tapping are automatic responses in my self-care routine - they are crucial to my well-being! Thank goodness I have learned to ask for help when in doubt, knowing that someone else can assist me.

This new beginning is my fresh start because I am making it one! It is also a time for adjusting to a new normal and a time for healing from old pain. I welcome this process. My faith in myself grows as I take these steps forward. There are many lessons to learn and exciting adventures to come. The door is wide open and I have walked through … here I go!