Relationship energy and creative energy go hand-in-hand for most women because they emerge from the same space in our being. Lately I have noticed how single-minded I have become with work on developing my business. I am specifically aware of how my mind is directing massive energy and attention toward the creative aspects of my work, allowing me to express my passion and wisdom. I am thoroughly enjoying the process despite the many learning curves that I take and the tasks I must tackle, especially when those tasks are not very exciting. I am learning to focus on myself in a new way. What I am noticing is that it is natural and fluid for me to focus on my work because the relationships in my life are in harmonious and healthy conditions. As a woman, my organic psychological process of maintaining wellness depends on my relationships being well. It is simply how I relate to the world and myself, through relationships as well as through my "work". My personal well-being depends on healthy and vibrant relationships with those who nurture my inner world and support my growth. I do not think I am much different from many other women.
For much of my life, I adopted the role of wife and mother. Through these roles, the essential aspect of my success depended on healthy relationships. My energy and attention went to my children, to my husband, to creating stable family. No one told me to do this, I simply believed it was in my role, I felt that is was essential to my well-being, and I wanted harmonious relationships. Not superficially harmonious, deeply harmonious. So my life has been significantly shaped by my choices in my relationships and the ways that I have navigated these spaces in my life. I defined myself for most of my life through the success and health of my closest relationships.
Today I find myself with an empty nest and a happy marriage. Relative to the last thirty years of my life, I am not needed for much in these relationships. What I am needed for, I believe I am providing well. What does that mean? I am left with massive amounts of creative energy that can be used elsewhere. I feel grateful and thrilled most days that I found work that I love along the way of raising my children. Now I am taking that work role and expanding and engaging it in the world in new ways. My life has become focused on the creation of the next stage of my life. My work.
Why am I writing about this? Because I have learned a few things as this major shift in my life has taken place. I have learned them personally and I have learned them professionally by working with women who are in transition and awakening to the truth in the inner worlds. Let me share my lessons - (these may or may not hold true for all women - I am speaking about myself and those with whom I am connected intimately)
* Women care deeply about the relationships in their lives. They will sacrifice much, both consciously and unconsciously for relationships.
* Women define themselves in essential ways through their relationships, therefore their self-confidence and happiness connects directly to the health of their relationships.
* Women feel conflicted when they believe they must choose between the health of relationships and their own health.
* Women can unconsciously sacrifice their personal health to deliver what they believe they "should" in their relationship roles.
* Women's health and happiness depend on healthy relationships.
* A women's happiness depends on how she cares for herself.
* The collision of the last two sentences is often where women become conflicted internally and unable to satisfy both these needs simultaneously.
* The creation of harmonious and fulfilling relationships begins with a healthy relationship with Self. This is news to many women.
The dedication to my work is often motivated by the success I experience with my clients and the process of our work together. As we collectively bring these truths to light, the women of today are learning to navigate the world and our lives in new and exciting ways. We are beginning to tap into our creativity in ways that energize us tremendously. In order to do this well , a woman must consciously consider what is happening in her important relationships, and the ways she is investing time and energy into them. She must learn to accept help and support as well as give it, learn to develop and maintain healthy boundaries. She must recognize when she is experiencing resentment, depletion and frustration and deal with it directly. Dealing with it indirectly continues that heavy energy being perpetuated and most often is playing out in unpleasant and repetitive patterns that serve no one well. As women, we are redefining how to navigate our creativity and our relationships consciously and the conflicts that naturally arise from this attention. Bravo to the conscious woman!
Helping ourselves to find inner peace is the way we ultimately serve the most and the best in this world. When we do the hard work of turning inward and discovering where we are conflicted, then take the time to resolve that inner conflict, we are serving everyone in our lives. We become a role model of health and empowered choice. The world needs more of that for working with the many dilemmas in which we find ourselves today. Self-care directly impacts relationships and creativity in positive ways. Trusting and acting on this truth serves the greater good.
© Laurel Holland