A Night on the Deck

Sitting at home as I write, thinking about my life and the changes in the last few years. Just less than four years ago my younger daughter was graduating high school when we uprooted our home in Massachusetts and the four of us went scattering about the east coast. In that time we have fared well. A new normal has developed, but it took some time. I dare to say it seems that it has been nearly the entire time till now, that I finally feel like life holds some sense of routine. My husband and I have experienced a flow of changes during these years - adult children coming and going, adjusting to married life and living together, me and my beloved children all finding new homes to launch from, weddings, a grandchild, job loss, new beginnings and endings galore now is finally the time I can say we are in a routine of life. This is the new normal, the place from which we will move onward, from which we will change, grow, evolve.

There is some energy in this day that I have noticed this truth about life as it is right now. Something about the upcoming college graduation and my daughter heading back north, something about the uncertainty of the future that is hitting home, causing me to anchor into the stability of my life, a thing I had not noticed well until the latest round of uncertainty and changes were on the doorstep. Somehow I had stayed afloat inside, unmoored as I moored to my life in Virginia, all the while knowing and yet not noticing that it was really happening. This is an interesting phenomenon to reflect on and connect with. An odd realization of sorts.

So here I sit, a night on my back deck, relaxing in the sunset. Pondering life, wondering about how life will come in and out of harmony, now - knowing it will, just as the sun will rise and set, watching in a new and educated way the truth of the ebbs and flows of life. As I relax into it all this evening, I find the uncertainty nearly a comfort. Because inside I am anchored into my deepest sense of self, connected to a divine source that I believe I will return to one day. This human experience a dance, a ride on the human side, discovering that we can do it in love and grace or we can struggle in fear and uncertainty.

I am so happy to have found love and grace.