The Opposite of the Need to Control: Trust the Process

How are you with trust? Do you trust in yourself to make good decisions in a moment-to-moment way? Do you trust others to behave well? Have you developed faith in “right” outcomes? Trusting the process of life can be a radical shift in the way many of us live. Trusting in life means letting go of the illusion of control, or ending the habit of falling into the need for control as a pattern of living. Instead of attaching to the outcome and attempting to manipulate others or events, we can trust the process (or life), let go of illusions, and live in the moment.

This entails trusting yourself. Some of the ways to develop self-trust include: • behave well - make it better and change when you don’t • make good judgments without being judgmental of others • align your behavior with your true values and not necessarily those of the culture • make healthy choices in your relationships • learn to set healthy boundaries • be honest and true to your inner self • speak with integrity • acknowledge both your talents and gifts, learn about your limitations, honoring it all without judgment or self-criticism.

Trusting the process (or life) also means trusting others. We learn to trust others in the ways listed above. Consider others in light of those specific behaviors, and learn about them through moment-to-moment, direct interactions. As we learn about others, our level of trust either raises or lowers as we determine the integrity of the individual and the quality of the relationship. Accepting others for who they are by observing their behavior and then setting the appropriate boundaries in relationship with them, is each individual’s responsibility and is a matter of healthy self-care.

Trusting the process (or life), we honor ourselves through self-trust, through honoring others by acknowledging the truth of the relationship as it exists for each individual, and then moving through interactions, in real-time, making each next move or decision based on the immediacy of what is developing rather than a predetermined goal that you attempt to achieve through your own personal sense of control. This is about living process oriented versus goal oriented. We may still develop and work towards goals but without sacrificing the truth that emerges from directly experiencing the process.

When we develop trust in life, our inner need for control naturally diminishes. With this shift, our life path becomes flexible and winding, flowing with the energies of life rather than a rigidly pre-determined path that may not fit with the emerging conditions of life. It is a gentler approach to life that causes us to feel empowered, live respectfully of others and speak honestly as a way of life.