Today I am reminded of how sadness can suddenly descend into a life; news about loss, about illness, about death, about friends or loved ones struggling, or suffering in this experience of life. Receiving difficult news is part of the human existence. If we are to be part of the living and loving, then we will be part of the losing and hurting. I don't mean to sound like a country song here. When these times occur in my life, I am reminded of my deep sadness, the sadness I felt for so much of my life. Sadness no longer visits all that often, or perhaps I mean remains, when it does visit. Through my hurting and healing, I have learned to accept any sadness, to no longer resist it, and to let the waves wash through me as they come. My heart is big, I love life, I love family and I love feeling intimately connected to others. Thus, my sadness is big too, my aching heart troubled when others that I care about are in pain. I cannot avoid this if I am to live with an open heart and experience what relationships are all about as well as the fullness of love.
What has struck me in my sad experience today is a new internal place I have found and reside in now. This place has to do with connecting nearly daily with an innate joy that comes with my meditation and prayer, with a sense of connecting to the Divine. It (the daily experience) is laying within me like a steady state experience, a knowing within of something that I can and will return to. If not today or tomorrow during my sitting, then one day soon. It is letting me know this as I feel and express my sadness. And I like it.
This place is different than the peaceful place of my earlier meditations. I bring this up because I feel like it is something more than the previous peaceful place I discovered and could enjoy readily as I connected with my breath and relaxed my body. This is a deeper knowing, and it is attached to the joyful feeling I have when I sense the high vibrational energy that comes more readily now since I have been consistently praying as well as meditating. It's quite a special experience.
Anyway, today I am grateful for my commitment to daily praying and meditation. I am grateful for a fuller sense of life because of it. I am grateful for the blissful feeling it provides when I am basking in high vibration. I am grateful for the new internal place I connect with that ameliorates this sadness today, reminding me of the bigger picture. I am also grateful for my lifestyle that supports this daily quiet time.
And finally, the part that has emerged with my sadness today, is my awareness and ability to acknowledge, I have chosen to cultivate this place within. I choose to cultivate this lifestyle that means a fair amount of solitude. I choose to create deep and meaningful relationships. I choose to love with an open heart. I am looking for this joy with this life I live, and when I find it, I am grabbing on to it with all I have. Because I know, just as the sun will rise tomorrow, I will feel sadness again, deep pain about loss. And I want to remember that abundant joy is right here for the having, waiting to be experienced.