My home is a safe haven; it has been for me since I became a homemaker. Although I worked outside the home full-time before raising my children, and more recently part-time, making a home has been a primary part of my adult experience. And I would say that this mirrors my process in learning to live at home inside myself. The years that I was living in a long distance relationship with my husband, and especially the last year or so, I found that I was lifting my roots out of my home in Massachusetts and yet I was not setting them down in Virginia. During this period of time I felt out of sorts; not quite myself in some ways, always a bit off balance. This weekend I went to Massachusetts to visit my adult children (here-with referred to as my kids) and my parents. My relationships with my kids are a vital part of my life. I source energy from these lively connections, our loving interactions and our family energy. I recognize that since my move to Virginia I am now, during some parts of the year, in long distance relationships with my children. I miss them when we are apart and I begin to feel a bit out of sorts after we have been apart for weeks. I prefer my family close by and around me; it is a part of who I am.
“Home is where the heart is”. This is a phrase that most of us know, have heard for most of our lives. My home is where my heart is, with those that I love. And so for me this means expanding my sense of home. I feel at home now in my daughter’s lovely little apartment; she makes it home for me when I visit. As I have told my kids, they always have a home here. Although they may not ever want to live in a home with me again, it is important to me that they know that my home is open to them as needed.
What I am well aware of is that many clients come to me not feeling at home inside themselves. When we live inside our heads too much, our body and our greater sense of being, starts to feel skewed or confused. We live in a culture in which we have been encouraged to become thinkers, to analyze and to plan. Without monitoring, all the activities that involve our mental process could become our sole way of determining the course of our days and our lives. Mental planning can become habitual because it is so encouraged in the many systems and organizations in which we find ourselves engaged.
When we live too much in our heads, we lose touch with our hearts desires. We become unable to develop skills in managing emotion, which are not acquired through thinking, but rather through learning to experience emotion freely and then respond in a healthy and thoughtful manner, in line with our values. We become weak in our ability to set healthy boundaries in a kind way. Our mental process is simply one aspect of being a healthy functioning adult, Many are not aware of this. Losing our intuitive capacity is just one of the many losses associated with becoming solely a mental “processor”.
Home is where the heart is. We will find our best lives, the most satisfying one, by getting in touch with our heart and our intuitive process. When we apply healthy balanced thought and action with deep desire and passionate calling, our lives become ignited in new ways. Our energy to act comes readily through the fuel for living in a process that has engaged our full inner home, our full being. We wake up in ways that feel new and exciting. And the biggest benefit is the lessening in mind chatter and anxiety that comes hand-in-hand with living in our heads.
So how is your home? Firstly the you that you live inside. Sit with your heart and your gut, what is happening there, what messages are in there for you? Are you ignoring them and hoping the ache or anxiety will go away? They won’t. You can attempt to disengage from them, but they will always be there calling somehow. Secondly, how is your home that you live in? In what ways does it reflect your inner world? Can you see how it might be a reflection of this? Are you comfortable in your home –what do you do there? And lastly, are you at home in the world? Are you anxious or fearful about the world around you? If so, this is a reflection of your inner world, even though we like to think it is being caused outside us.
Learning to navigate back into our inner world, we find answers and solutions to many of the challenges and dilemmas we face. Trying to find answers only in our heads means limiting our vast resources to a small portion of who we are, and often coming up confused as we sift through the many mixed messages we have gathered up over the years. Stay still for a time, listen to your heart and find your real home.